EPISODE 1: The Phantom straightjacket...What's a straightjacket?
Why am I here? Where's the padded walls?
Ah...The date is....uh what is today anyway? I lost track of time...2 seconds ago...Now this is the first time I've attempted to make and post articles on the web...I hate spiders....(Wrong web stupid)...I've gotten a little tired of dodging D'Artagnan and my ship has never been silent since we captured Wallishima. I mean the worst that could happen with him is that he meets some copy machine person and my entire ship is transformed into blue cheese, and he uses a zombie doctor thing to save the ship...but that could never happen...its just as popostphorus s Santa killing Tom Cruise and Kirby and Ring Wraiths coming to my ship in bread baskets! Ok....maybe I should go on vacation...I think I'll go down onto Earth for a bit...
Begin Log 1...
Jedi Log ....uh...something....
Today I start my journey on a dreaded vacatio...which is suppost to be pleasant and relaxxing but when I get back I must save my ship from crashing into a sun...but no worries now...I'm on vacation...I have decided to go to Earth. after landing at the spaceport in London I took a train to Scottland. There I found most earthlings very unusual...even more unusual then when I was last here....I even found Boba and Jango Fett...How they were both here I don't know...especially Jango Fett...What's even more odd is that Pizza the Hutt was here also...I wonder why...
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After Finally getting out of there...I ventured the country side....I was on the roadsie smelling the fresh mountain air, seeing the bees buzz by, not a car within miles, plain open grass fields....I then took a deep breath....*cough cough hack hack cough cough* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *wheeze wheeze* Must...get...back...to...recycled air....wait a mintue...I have a suit on....I can get air that way!
presses a few buttons
Ok recycled air any minute now!
20 minutes later....
Any minute now....ah who am I kidding....how can I have recycled air on Earth anyhow? I mean there's smog, methane, carbon dioxide, flies, fertilizer, outhouses in some unknown place, plenty of fresh air!...... I gotta get out of here!!!!
Starts running and turns right and runs into a rock
ALL RIGHT WHO PUT THIS ROCK HERE?!
Pretty soon some coach came by and started telling me what to do....
Coach: Ok now you better get on your feet boy! I got a job to do and your my only hope next to my six pack of bee...er...coke (for those young readers::WARNING::Will include direct dialogues of bbeer and stuff later on)! Now you get this here number on you. Then get in line and when you hear the gun go off just start running like a couple of wild rabid gerbils were after you hear me boy? GOOD! NOW get on out there and run like hell!
Vader: Sure thing coach!
Coach: Remember all your training boy!
Vader: Coach! Wait! What did I? learn?! You never taught me anything!
Coach: Just run damn you boy just run!
Vader: Sure thing coach!
I approached the starting line and I kept getting these blank stares at me as if there was something odd about me....
Yeah... And they thought I was a freak...they were freaks in reality....
The race soon began and I was in the lead for a good while. I still wonder why everyone kept saying go left...
Oh well...
I think the course was suppost to be about 26 marathon. It was the Los Angeles Marathon....In Scottland...
How does that compute?
I think I ran 50....miles of course....
Soon After I got hit by a truck and got sent flying I ended up somewhere.
I still wonder exactly where I was. It was very green....very....
There was some sheep, but none of them went "baaa"
One was neighing, another was meowing, one even roared like a T-Rex.
What does a T-Rex sound like any way? And I don't mean jurrassic Park....
There was one sheep there that really scared me...It had guns in its wool and it said one word...Moo
After seeing the eauty of the land here I just stood there doing nothing...
Finally after 2 hours I said one thing...
After standing there for 3 days getting a bunch of eggs toilet paper, tortillas with whip cream, pies, rotten fruit, dead cows, rabid shoes, and X-Boxes (which suck as paperweights) at me I sat down on the road hoping some poor infortunate soul would give me a lift...
After another 4 days of waiting with now 216 X-Boxes, and 3 TV's, a PS2, and a GameCube, I finally decided to play on them. I tore apart the X-Boxes and created a new way to shave sheep with them. But the sheep didn't like it and the people there got really mad at me...
So Mad they tied me to the back of their truck and dragged me to town.
Ah they were so nice...
Well that ends today's log. Now I just have to lie here in the middle of the street beaten up and looking more like a prune....
Prunes are good...
Oh Yes...I might have to acquire fanmail Even though I'll probably get none I still would like some so if you can sign it in here....no don't click on the here....click on th thing...yeah...or you could also leave it in my guest book...but just sign the thing at the bottom of this...or on the main page...yeah
