Please vacate the fish tank if you are alergic to fish...
Episode 3: Attack of the wooden people
YO!....right....Ok anyway lets see whats happening today, although for you it is probably tommorrow or yesterday or May 25, 1977....anyway I have not been recieving too much fanmail from anyone...do you hate me? Am I a copy right violating freak with only two good sense for cars? ....yes..... what do you say?
Oh now, why did you say that? I mean it is a poll isn't it, and what do you mean no! Wait...who voted that? And for those of you who said yes, you get a special prize.......ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!
Anyway lets review hat happened last time....cars....need I say more? Enough about the Good old Days, now lets move on to....somethings events.....yeah....
BEGIN LOG 3
Jedi Log yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah....well I never found a car, so I'm still searching....though I would like my Eleanor....Maria....(wait who? Who are you talking about now you freak?) Eleanor of course. (You said that then Maria) WHAT?! WHO's MARIA?! (Probably your girlfriend or something....) No yours! (you and I are the same person stupid...)
Oh yeah....your dogs! (uh its also your dog idiot) GET OUT OF MY FOOT! (Freak....)
Anyway I needed to get a California license so naturally I threw a fish at a somene....
Although he wasn't too pleased...Anyway I went down to Enterprise and rented some car...looked more like a model then a car....
Anyway after "TELLING" the guy that I needed to rent the car so i could get my driver's license, I rented the car for a while till I could actually buy a car. I then got out of my Vader outfit and went normal again...then I put the costume back on, but something was different....I don't know what it was, but something was different....
I realized that some how that rotten peach that was thrown at me changed my mask...its face was now a monkey mask...where's my banana?
AHHHH!!!!!
Quickly I ripped off the mask and pulled another helmet out of my pocket.
Which reminds me of my amazing discovery of pockets!
Anyway, I headed over to the DMV to get my license. After staying there for over 3 days I wondered where the front door was. After another 2 days I finally made it to a window next to the front door. Finally the next day I made it through the front door...After making it to another window they asked me what i wanted to do. I had a list of options....
1. Get a permit to graffitti walls in East L.A.
2. Crush a car
3. Join the Save the Whales program
4. Get a drivers license for canada
5. Get a license to visit the state of New Hampshire
6. Get a drivers license for 19.95 plus shipping and andling
Obviously I chose option 7. Nothing....The lady was mean to me for choosing that option....first she hit me on the head with a fish, then she threw a staple gun at me, and then she told me I was a freak....she was mean....
She gave me the papers for my drivers license, and soon some guy came by to escort me to the driving test cars in the rear parking lots.
Whe we went out there I could not believe what I saw!
All the cars except for the mnustangs were like this! I had to wait for the driver instructor to show up.....Finally after waiting 3 hours for the driver instructor i finally met him....
GOBBLE GOBBLE
It was a ten foot high turkey....
I still wonder how he got his driver's license....
Before I knew it we were on our test and i couldn't understand what he was saying....
Well the turkey kept hitting me on the head with its beak so i couldn't concentrate on what i was doing...when we got back to the DMV, he gave me a zero on the driving test even though all the videos showed i had a majority of the points...so naturually, I went hunting with my lightsaber...
I recieved permission for my license but the DMV asked me what happened to Mr. Gobble.
I calmly replied....
"Uh he said he was going vacationing in the Pennsylvania woods. Be there till thanksgiving..."
Well he was....
GOBBLE
GOBBLE
I'm still wondering how he talked after i ate him....i mean uh....stuffed him....
Well after I got my license I went over to Disneyland like any freak would. Some rat and a dog guided me throughout the park since i was in the military. I still wonder why i couldn't find the 20 50's i had in my wallet....Well they guided me to some ride decorated in lights, and it was all bright and cheery....
HELP ME LORD!!!!!!
I tried escaping the line but they kept pulling me back in and I heard the people chant in unison...
"No, you must stay here in line. Do not leave us. You must stay and ride this ride, over and over and over again"
Well I continued my attempts but they continued as well....I was forced onto the ride and soon I realized something....
The park wasn't a place of joy and laughter...it was in fact a place where they were gathering wooden people to mind control all the guests into being their soldiers so they could take over the universe!!!!!
I'll admit I was scared....so scared that I remembered what happened.....I remember all the freakish faces they had...they were worse than me.....
I remember seeing those other 2 boats go in before mine....I feel sorry for those poor souls....
This was where they controlled the peoples minds...I could see they were massing, they had their drummers of war ready, and it looked like they were doing some kind of war dance....
Finally it was my turn.....I was strapped into the chair...I still wonder why they said to remove all hats and glasses even though the ride goes slower than a snail.....Finally I entered.,.....
I saw their strategy....they were going to use the mafia of Italy to control the galaxies, and they were going to use spears! It only makes sense...making their spears look like sticks while they push their boats and sing those songs....I see through their scheme....REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!!!
And it akes perfect sense of their body language they are secretly communicating to each other with...."Will....use....nuclear....rockets.....on.....Galactic......Food Court....."
See it? I see their ways....it was tough while i was in their....I was feeling the efects of the mind control through their song in the different languages of earth.....but my supreme intellect kept me from it....."It's a small world after alll...." NO!!!! Must not conform....to...their ways....but earth is small.....
This area freaked me out more so....I realized what they were going to do....they were going to turn people into mermaids so they can attack the ships in space from under water! It makes perfect sense! Even though the ships are in space and not seas anymore, it makes perfect sense! They think their so smart with their schemes, I'll show them!
Well I finally got off the ride, barely surviving the effects of the ride....however I was dizzy and kept shooting pingpong balls at trash cans....but i kept seeing blue people....
I'm blue! Ba ba di ba ba dye!
Mommy....
I soon becam drunk on coke and I ended up sleeping on the pirates of the carribean in one of the burning buildings. So good night America! Ouch...too....hot.....get away from me Black Beard....
