Hello and welcome to the second log of Got Straightjackets?! Here's a question to ask. Why aren't straightjackets straight? I mean tey have wrinkles and curves in them, wouldn't that make them curve jackets? Anyway...last time, heres what hapened....rock, run, freak, sheep, crap boxes (X-Box). That's all you need to know....we do not tell you! YOU MUST READ IN ORDER TO FIND OUT!!! Now go back and READ th first log ook. No not the close button. NO NOT CTRL, ALT, and DELETE!!!!! No don't press the power! No don't ht the shoot Vader now button.....who has that button besides me? Anyway lets begin....where am i again?
Begin Log 2...
Jedi log uh 99 and a half? Well I finally woke up in the middle of the street finding a shoe stuck in my helmet. Along wth a giant sign saying "I hate Whales" For some reason I got a ton of stuff thrown at me while I wore the sign. It doesn't make anysense....I still wonder how thse rubber marks got o my suit. I mean I don't think a car ran over me or anything. After finally makng it to the side of the street after about, what was it? 10 hours, I finally reached the lamppost and realized something. I don't look a single thing like an earthling.....
After Realizing this I made pace and went to some shop on the corner. I realized that I needed to look more natrual. I stepped in and coudn't believe what they had. The sign said a clothes shop, but when i stepped in there....I must have gone to another dimension. When I entered I saw lawnmowers, human FAKE skins, models, lowrider cars, jawa crew, jawa thieves, stolen shoes, flying rubber duckies, a herd of geese, The Raiders, LA LAkers, LA Kings, lightsabers, doors, websites, and of course.....lawyers.....Where were the clothes you ask? Well they were kept hidden with the tanks and Death Star Blueprints! All for sale at $93. 50!
Anyway I needed some clothes and I figured I should get some to look more er...natural...
So Quickly I bot some khaki docker pants, a 10 pound leather jacket, some fake okley sunglasses, black leather gloves, and some different shirts. It was at least 120 degrees outside....in Scotland....
I'll look natural! They won't even recognize me being a....uh....what am I again?
I was once called: Freak, carboard box, shoe, dead cow, horse, dead horse, black suit scary dude, midget, tall freak, tall midget, fat midget, fat freak, freak, freak, freak, freak, moley, moley, moley, stupido, stupid idiot, jerkwad, @$$%()!#, News reporter, tree killer, nazgul, thing, fag, and rubber duck.
After paying $1,000,000 for 3 shirts, 5 pants, and a leather jacket with some gloves and glasses, I quickly left to look even more natural. I quickly bought a plane ticket over to the states where there's some real life, no offense to europeans, I realized that I needed some wheels. I already have a car on this planet but I needed something better. So Quickly I went hunting. I first stopped by a dealer and asked them for my dream car, I mean I was in Los Angeles (LA), so I needed some good wheels. So I kept this image in my mind while huning....
However according to state law, I couldn't drive this car because of the weaponry on it...not to mention they said it was reserved for some punk called Bond, James Bond....
Bond: No Vader, its...Bond, James Bond
Vader: Oh sorry Mr. Bond...here's your keys.
Bond: You scratched my car's paint....
Vader: No I didn't, thats the machine gun.
Bond: Oh ok. Do you mind raising this car off my foot?
Vader: Oh yeah, I forgot about thy hydraulics on it....::presses a few switches, then Bond gets in nd speeds off::
Anyway, I continued my search for a car....I went to many places all over Californi. I quickly fund one...just the one I was searching for too. 2003 (really old car) Ford Mustang GT...sweet in other words....
Ok so I didn't get the car....I quickly went searching again....I came across one car which I stared at for hours....
Ok it was a nice car. But there's 2 problems....1. I like Mustangs and American cars....2. This is a foreign racing car and only at 1.6 liters....its ok but I'll stick with my V-8's.
In continuing my search i found two earthlingsquarreling over the ultimate car in the world.
Which on of you midgets is the owner of this car?
Well I saw the Ewok throw some keys at the jawa and the jawa sped off. I guess he bought the car....but he said "Your car now!" in jawa....oh well....I only lost the ultimate car fo the world....a 1967 Ford Mustang, Shelby GT 500....Eleanor....
I'll find her one day again....
Anyway I continued again....I soon found the ULTIMATE car in the entire world. I mean even better than the Shelby GT 500! Now thats a rare car, no it wasn't a ferrari, porche or lotus..bt its better than all of them combined! Worth more than a million dolllars! More than a Death Star! And here is this mystery car!
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It was excellent! All 3 seconds of it! I did buy the car or golf cart i should say, but when I got into it, the guy who sold it to me told me to get out of the car and say "im a duck" 300 times. I said it 3 times but he sped off with my golf cart....I lost all $100.....Well I guess I had to go in my car for now....I went down to my house and garage in LA and took the one car I had....
Though I must admit....It did seem a little odd that it took it almost 5 days for it to start...
Well I finally gave up on trying to start it seeing as the engine was missing, so i went away for a bit....I soon decided to build my own car....but I'll be waiting for a bit on it....I mean I still need to get my california liscence. As they said my Canadian liscense wqs not valid for california. The didn't fcare that I owned them....well I wonder what they'll be saying to Mr. Turtle when they meet him or not giving me my liscense....Im sure he's hungry....Well he is a 30 foot crocodile....wouldn't you be hungry?
Well I must retire for now....Remember Only shoes can prevent forest fires....
Remember to tell me what I must do! EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T!!!!
